The other day, Alece put words to my thoughts in this post: Heart Homelessness.
I hadn't really thought about why I have been feeling the way I have been. I've felt like I was floating. I have felt like a part of me has been missing ... that the roots I have placed in this life have been uprooted. I don't feel like I belong anywhere, really. Not here, not where I used to call home. And I don't feel at home any of my friendships or relationships. I just feel like I'm here ... but not really.
And of course, I am reminded that this is not our home. We are made for a greater Home, where someday I will travel to and meet my Saviour.
But here ... right now, I still desire that earthly home. I still desire to feel a place where I belong, where I feel safe. Where I feel protected from the chaos and turmoil that constantly flows around me.
And so lately, my heart too has felt homeless. And I haven't quite figured out what to do about it.
But yesterday, I went on an adventure with three girlfriends. We travelled to a town nearby, and walked by a river late at night. It was dark, and spooky, and there were Canadian geese threatened by our invasion of their home. And at first, my heart felt anxious. It was a place unknown and a dark night.
Yet as we walked along the river, and turned back to head towards where we were parked, we wandered along a row of houses. Each were silent, blanketed by the darkness and late hour. But one house stood out to me, a house with candles in each window. It was welcoming. The candles shining through made me imagine that if I were to knock on that door that very moment, the mom of the house would welcome me in, allow me to have a shower in one of the bathrooms filled with potpourri, and show me to the guest room. And would have welcomed me, a stranger, in.
And for some reason, something in my heart shifted. I didn't feel so homeless anymore. It was like that house reminded me that someday, I would be home. I would find my place where I would let my roots once again settle. I would find that place somewhere in this world where my heart would be at rest, I would feel welcome, I would feel safe. Safe.
And it's okay that I don't feel that way now. But someday, I will.